I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Randomize
