When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize