explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
