Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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