All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
