it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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