so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize