Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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