Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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