I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
