I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
