i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
