is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
