help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
