in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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