Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
