she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You've changed since you got that strap on
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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