You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I have post one night stand depression
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