yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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