Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Damn victory sex feels great
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
