So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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