I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
