She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
