after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
