I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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