if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
