So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
