i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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