In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
