I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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