Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
