I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
