You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
