I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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