I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Did I show you my penis last night?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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