is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
