Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
