Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
