what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
