I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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