3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
