I'm lost and stupid without you.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
