We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
