She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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