why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
