it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
