the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
