i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
