Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
