I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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