ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
