dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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