I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
