You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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