the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
