everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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