8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
