Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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