i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
