i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
