Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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