Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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