Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
