She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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