we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
