hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
