I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
